Title: Never Never Land
Author: Blue Gold
Pairings: Spike/Xander, Clark/Lex, Dick/Bruce, Ares/Joxer, Cupid/Strife, etc…
Fandoms: Multi Centered in Buffyverse w/ support from Ultimate Spiderman, DC, Smallville, Xena/Hercules, Ultimate X-Men and a few surprises along the way,
Summary: Xander wakes in a strange place where superhero’s and gods are real, and they all have been captured. For what and by whom has yet to be discovered.
Author’s Note: For the crossover challenge that can be found here http://brain-insane.com/beyond/contest2006.php
Alexander Lavelle Harris, Xander to most, born and raised on the lovely mouth of hell had seen many things but this one took the cake. He was chained to a pipe that run along the ceiling in what looked like a cross between his basement and a castle’s dungeon. There was little light in his new home short of some glowing green and what seemed to be a dying light bulb somewhere behind him. Turning his head he was surprised to see another person shackled up.
Wearing what looked to be a green glowing rosary. He hung lifelessly in his chains the harsh breathing showing he was somewhat conscious. In front of this person a yard or so away was another shackled figure, the only disturbing thing was not only were his arms shackled so were his wings right over the dropping head in a position he was sure was uncomfortable. The man, with short blond hair and sported a set of fluffy white angel wings and by the limp way his body hung was still unconscious.
Hearing a groan Xander turned his head and saw yet another member of the merry band. No wings or glowing jewelry he was simply hanging there like Xander, except that he had yet to regain consciousness. Xander looked forward and to his right and could see yet another person shackled up this one wearing what looked like a trash can lid on his chest. Also still unconscious it seemed Xander and the one suffering from his neckwear were the only ones conscious and it didn’t seem like the other brunette would be lasting much longer.
Xander only had moments to wonder why there was no one shacked in front of him when he heard a slam as a door a distance away slammed open and then the thumping of feet down the stairs. Quickly dropping his head to his chest, he watched as booted feet approached him the hem of what was clearly a black robe swishing by. They paused before Xander and the Scooby feared the game was up when a body thumped to the floor in front of him.
He tried not to make any obvious movement as the brown haired teen was hoisted up and shackled in front of him just out of any kind of reach even if he could move his arms. He caught glimpses of the form that was holding him hostage if he could call it that as the creature or person was fully covered in the black hooded robe looking the part of demented monk.
Their face was completely hidden in the shadows and you could not tell if they were male or female. He realized he could not if asked distinguish any form features. He couldn’t even begin to assume if they were tall or short as he hand been pretending to be unconscious and the most he had seen had been when they bent over to lift the new member of the shackle club. Their captor made their way out of the room and Xander wondered if they were still in Sunnydale or in a hell dimension or LA.
He tried to remember what had happened prior to his arrival. He had gotten out of work early, and decided to go to the video store and rent something for him and the bleached fanged wonder. He had settled on the Blade Trilogy sure if Spike’s commentary was anything like it had been during from Dusk ’til Dawn he would be laughing his way through the movies.
Watching vampire movies with a vampire was an experience to say the least. Spike found the various and glaringly wrong Hollywood depictions the best comedy humans had to offer. Then he had gone to the drugstore to restock on supplies, lube, condoms for mess control and little else though getting one on Spike was an effort. With a last stop at the butcher’s for Spike and a plan to order pizza he had headed home.
Xander tried hard to remember arriving home. He could remember leaving the butcher shop, getting into his car then nothing. He couldn’t remember arriving home or the drive. It was just gone. Xander tried not to panic, he had gotten off work early, so Spike may have not noticed his disappearance yet but Xander hand faith in his undead lover, He would come looking for him.
With that thought in mind Xander tugged experimentally at his shackles they seemed strong as did the piping they were thrown over. Looking about the dim room he saw nothing of use. The room was bare short of them and the piping system. The door was out of his line of sight and he knew it was at the top of a flight of stairs from what he had heard of his captor.
A groan in front of him alerted that their last addition was awake. Startled realized that the newest arrival was facing him. Looking again he saw that the guy seemed a lot younger than him and he broke the strained tension in pure Xander fashion.
“Come here often?” Xander deadpanned and the boy started looking up at Xander confusion clear on his features as he tugged unsuccessfully at his chains.
“We’ve been kidnapped, I’m guessing this is your first time, here’s the thing, you live on the hellmouth, demons and all the big bad nasties real. See even that guy over there with the wings. No big, it’s the ones with the fangs and extra arms you have to worry about.”
“Warren?!” The boy exclaimed looking at the winged figure who had yet to wake.
“Friend of yours?” Xander asked wondering how normal this boy thought his town was if he was friends with a guy with wings.
“No, Warren’s kinda skinny, and he wouldn’t wear whatever the hell that is? A skirt? At least not unless Dazzler talked him into it. Did you say hellmouth? Like on Buffy?”
“On Buffy? How do you know Buffy?”
“Know Buffy?” The boys eyes narrowed and he eyed Xander with suspicion. “What’s your name?”
“Xander, Xander Harris you?” Xander asked wondering about the expression on the boys face.
“Xander Harris? Right, so your best friend is Willow Rosenberg super witch?”
“How did you know that?” Xander asked now the one who was suspicious.
“You aren’t real! I watch you every week on TV. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, it’s a TV SHOW.”
“I am not a TV show! That’s just insane. How do I know you are not some demon sent to mess with my mind? How do I even know you’re human? Who are you then Mr. Smarty Pants.”
“My name is Peter Parker!” Xander blinked then burst out into laughter.
“Spiderman, sure and that guy over there he’s Superman,” Xander paused glanced at the green necklace that was still glowing glanced back at Peter. They both glanced at the glowing green necklace, the bright blue t-shirt and red jacket.
“But…” Peter started slightly flabbergasted.
“So which one are you?” Xander asked his curiosity and Sunnydale mentality already accepting the fact that he was being held hostage with comic book heroes.
“Which one? Which one what?”
“Which Spiderman? Like from which books? Or are you from the Cartoons? Or the Movies?”
“How would I know? They did make a movie about me, it sucked. Well I never saw it!”
“Oh! Wait how old are you?”
“Hmm um how long ago did you get bitten?”
“Oh I know! You work for the Bugle right?”
“Web tech mostly.”
“You my friend are Ultimate Spiderman. A Spiderman for the new millennium. They sorta based the movies on you and the original stuff from the sixties.”
“How many different comic books do I have?”
“Well the newest one is Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman, then there’s, Spiderman, The Amazing Spiderman, The Sensational Spiderman, The Spectacular Spiderman, Peter Parker: Spiderman, Marvel Knights Spiderman, Spiderman Unlimited, and I’m such a geek.”
“Wow, so I guess people really like me.”
“Let’s not get started on the video games, action figures, clothes, sneakers and underwear. I was very upset when I learned my Spiderman sneakers would not let me stick to walls. Dude you are the coolest Superhero, only one that’s even close is Batman and that’s just a whole creep factor he has going on.”
“Yeah Batman is cool, so I have a question for you, We know who we are, and who he is, who are the rest of those guys? Like the guy with the wings…crap I know him…he says about the man to his right and Xander’s left.
“Who is he?”
“Ever watch Xena?”
“Not really, Willow and Buffy were really into it but slaying and patrolling and stuff made it hard to catch.”
“That guy over there that’s Joxer, the um Mighty.”
“Wait I think I know who you mean, doesn’t he sing some song? I remember Buffy saying once, if Willow was Gabriel then I was SO Joxer and then they just kept giggling. For like TWO WEEKS.”
“Yep that would be the one, So that leaves the guy with the wings and him.”
“Yeah, I wonder who he is…he seems normal enough. I mean why kidnap heroes, the zeppo, and bob over there.”
“Dude, you are so a hero. You are like my favorite person on the show. Well you and Spike. You saved the world just by talking!”
Xander blushed slightly at that. “Yeah well…it was Will if I couldn’t do it she might as well have destroyed the world.”
“And you fight vampires and demons and everything even though you are perfectly normal. You are so like Batman or something.”
“Minus the billions, the cool gadgets and the batmobile. So you have the proportional strength of a spider can’t you break those?”
“See here’s the thing; my powers have been on the fritz lately. They just come and go, right now…”
“Let me guess go?”
“Yeah hey, looks like Bob there is waking up.”
Opening his eyes, he groaned as he started to feel his muscles. The steady stream of noise he had been hearing had tapered off and he was just now realizing that it had been speech. Shaking his head to clear the fog he took a look at his surroundings and saw two faces staring at him and a few more forms that seemed to still be unconscious in the semi darkness.
“Hey, so you’ve been kidnapped and sucked into some Alternate Universe of some kind,”
“I tend to babble when faced with death, what does the name Spiderman mean to you?”
“Like a bad remake of the fly?”
“Superman?” Peter decided to ask seeing as both he and Xander recognized the superhero.
“We think that’s him,” Xander said tilting his head in the direction of the brunette with the glowing green necklace.
“We have to get that off him!”
“Uh, hi chains,” Xander said rattling them for emphasis. “So unless, you are Mr. Fantastic we aren’t going anywhere.”
“Fantastic? You know Fantastic Four.”
“Hmm, who are you then?”
“Who are you?” He asked suspiciously.
“Oh we have a paranoid one,” Xander said sighing. “We’re all chained in the same basement buddy, I am Alexander Harris but you can call me Xander formerly of Sunnydale California.”
“Peter Parker, New York City.”
“I’m from Gotham City.”
“Dick, Dick Grayson.”
“The Flying Graysons. Dick Grayson? Adopted by Bruce Wayne, one half of the dynamic duo Dick Grayson?”
“He’s gonna make me say it isn’t he?” Xander asked turning to Peter.
“Holy haberdashery, Batman!” Peter snorted as Dick stared.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It was a cheap Adam West Batman plug. Well Robin really. Anyway, you are Robin, you are still Robin right not feeling any calls of the night a need to spread your wing?”
“What?” Dick asked completely unable to follow Xander.
“Don’t mind him. Xander, what could this mean, we have Robin, Superman, Spiderman, Joxer the Mighty, wing boy and you.”
“Still think they meant to grab someone else, Like Buffy, at least she has real power, she is the slayer and all. Even Willow or Tara.”
“I don’t know what a slayer is but clearly this is a male’s only event. Who are Spiderman and Joxer the mighty?”
“I’m Spiderman.” At Dick’s blank and disbelieving stare Xander elaborated.
“Superhuman strength, web shooters, spider sense, it’s all very spidery,” Xander elaborated. “Red and blue spandex.”
Dick raised an eyebrow. “And what? Red, Yellow, and green are all the rage? Dude you are like so the target. It’s like look at me, attack me when you have the stealthy guy in grey and black.”
“How do you…”
“In my world you and Spidy over there are both comics, Joxer is a TV show and I just don’t see how I fit in. I am perfectly normal.”
“So am I,” Dick pointed out.
“Did you actually just say that?” Xander asked disbelieving.
“Oh don’t listen to Xander. He’s a hero…we all are…” Peter said looking around again.
“Why would someone capture heroes? Stupid question, why would someone capture six heroes from different realities.”
“Zeus what hit me.”
“Hey he’s awake.” Xander stated as Joxer rattled his chains.
“Ares when I said I was willing to try new things…Ar?”
“Um hi,” Xander began. “So wake up in chains often?”
Before a response could be given the final member of their group stirred. He attempted to free himself from his chains.
“Strife, I’m not laughing, Strife get your leather clad butt in here or you’re not getting any for the next three centuries.”
“Cupid?!” Xander and Peter exclaimed in unison.