Figure.09 pt01

Title: Figure.09

Author: Blue Gold w/ The Brain


Archive: htttp://, LoM

Pairings: Legolas/Aragorn, Arwen/Gimli, Gimli/Sam, Frodo/Glorfindel, Haldir/Elrohir, Elrond/Erestor,

Rating: R

Summary: Merry and Pippin play matchmaker with a little help from Gandalf with some strange results.

Disclaimer: I *sniff* do not own any of the characters in this story. They are owned by Tolkien/Jackson.

Warnings: “Narcissism”, voyeurism, immortal beings acting like twits, random interspecies pairings.

Authors Notes: Humor

Thanks to “The Brain” for getting me to write such a thing!

Figure .09 by Linkin Park used without permission

AU: After the war everyone just hung out in middle earth, Aragorn’s avoiding his kingly duties and his wedding to Arwen, no elves sailed west and HALDIR DIDN’T DIE!

Feedback: Please its always nice to hear something.

^*^Hearing your name

The memories come back again

I remember when it started happening

To see you in every thought I had and then

The thoughts slowly found words attached to them ^*^

Legolas dismounted his horse looking at the elven kingdom that was Rivendell; he hadn’t been here in almost a year. And he knew the reason. It wasn’t because it was a long journey from Mirkwood to Rivendell, though that was a part of it was because he didn’t want to see him.

It was a grand occasion the third anniversary of the war of the ring the only reason he ever came to face Aragorn. He smiled at the stable boy taking his horse who looked like he saw a valar.

“Something wrong?”

“You’re really him, Legolas? The best archer in all of Middle Earth, one of the nine.”

“Well yes, but I’m not the best archer.”

“Sure you are! Estel talks about you all the time…”

“I have to go, I’m late already,” Legolas said as images of a strong muscular chest invaded his mind.


Elladan and Elrohir were sandwiching Aragorn who tried his best to ignore them by talking to Merry and Pippin, which didn’t work very well since the twins seemed to be the elven versions of Merry and Pippin and all four seemed intent to talk to him about Legolas.

“…great archery wouldn’t you say,” Elladan said.

“And all that pretty hair,” Pippin said.

“Arwen!” Aragorn exclaimed jumping out of the seat.

“Hello Estel,” she looked at his table mates. “A walk?”

“Yes my dear!” Aragorn said running to her side.

“But you know they are right, you have the hots for Leggy,” Arwen says and Aragorn growls running away from his “betrothed” he runs right into a pair of elves.

“Ada, Erestor, I’m so sorry,” Aragorn says helping his foster father stand. Erestor stood as well, and wrapped his arms around Elrond’s waist.

“And what are you running from this time?” Elrond asked.

“The twins…and…the hobbits… they just keep…”

“Keep what?” Erestor asked. “Telling you you should get over yourself and boink the prettiest prince of Mirkwood already?”

“AHHHHHHHH!” Aragon screams turning and running off again, knowing he’s running out of places in Rivendell he can hide in.

“Did you actually say boink?”

“Yes my lord would you like a demonstration?”

“You would boink me? My dear Erestor you’re on.” While the Lord of Imladris and his chief advisor went off to explore the term ‘boink’. Aragorn runs head first into the elf he is most trying to avoid after Legolas.

“Haldir! Um, hi,” He said thinking it could be worse, Haldir could be actually attracted to him instead of just being a horrid flirt. He wouldn’t trade places with his brothers for anything on this. Haldir might even stand a chance if he bothered to figure out how to tell the twins apart.

“Hey sweetums, where is that big strong body of yours running off to hmm?”

“I just needed to get some air,” Aragorn said looking for an escape path.

“Mmm hmm,” Haldir said smiling. “What’s that noise?”

“What noise?”

“Aww my little human, so cute, it sounds like some heavy breathing. Someone’s having fun! Come on,” Haldir said as he pulled Aragorn towards the sound.

Haldir stood on his toes to look over some shrubs in the garden maze and shrieked like a woman and runs screaming from the scene, “I’m blind! Blind!”

Aragorn slowly headed towards the scene and heard voices. “You hear something?”

“No Sam, now get ready for some good old fashion Dwarf loving!” Aragorn turned he didn’t need to see what was about to happen. But where would he be safe? His room of course! He started walking with a purpose out of the maze and steps out at the same time as someone else. He turned his head and froze.


Legolas stared, to suddenly have the body he spent nights in Mirkwood dreaming about facing him was quite a shock. Aragorn had a light sheen of sweat all over his body. He was wearing leather pants and a clean white shirt. Legolas smiled knowing what a rarity a clean Aragorn is.

“Hello, Aragorn,” Legolas said. Aragorn didn’t hear a word Legolas said too busy ogling the Prince. He was still in his traveling clothes so they could have almost still been on the quest. His pale skin glowed in the moonlight and he just longed to touch it. His hand starts reaching of its own accord to the perfect face and he stops just in time. Legolas looks at the hand, his eyes traveling up the strong muscular limb to the face he so wanted to kiss.

“I have to go! Bye!” He yelled already halfway back to the last homely house. Legolas watched his ass go a longing in his eyes as he sighed and walked to his own rooms as well.


“See Gandalf!”

“What did we tell you? ”

“Yes I wonder how I didn’t notice.”

“You were too busy being killed and coming back ‘the white’ but we did.”

“But its been years since I made a love potion.”

“So this is important! They need it!”

“Merry, Pippin, I have to say this is a job for a wizard. Well, I sure hope Elrond won’t mind me using a few of his plants.” Gandalf said walking away with Merry and Pippin close in tow.

“They’ll never see it coming.”

Near breakfast the next day Gandalf finished his work. “Finally I think I have it,” Gandalf said and Merry and Pippin rubbed their tired eyes. There were at least four bottles sitting on the table and Gandalf pulled out his pipe and the hobbits grabbed all the bottles. He’s half done with his pipeweed when he noticed that all the bottles were gone.

“This will be one interesting party,” Gandalf said knowing all his potions should wear off and not leave any permanent damage and they were all based on love, though he wasn’t how much of a love potion the first one was. It might just do the opposite.

Merry and Pippin stood in the doorway where everyone was gathered for breakfast. They both had two bottles and looked at the different colored liquids in each.

“We can try them on other people, you go on that side.”

“Pippin isn’t that dangerous?”

“They’re love potions what’s the worse that could happen?” Pippin headed towards Elrond and Erestor and slipped a couple of drops in each of their drinks. They drank together and the effect was almost instantaneous. They glared at each other and moved their chairs apart.

“Not good,” Pippin said slipping the bottle in his pocket, “must remember to tell Gandalf about that.” He looked at Merry and watched as he poured the contents of a bottle in two goblets. He grinned at his cousin and pointed to Frodo who was blushing and holding Glorfindel’s hand.

“Glory, did I every thank you for saving me from those Ringwraiths?”

“Why yes Frodo.”

“No I mean properly thank you!” Frodo said as he grabbed Glorfindel’s face for a kiss. Before Merry could reach his intended target Arwen and Gimli each grabbed a goblet discussing Arwen’s grandmother.

“No wait…” Merry watched as the elf Princess and the Dwarf down the drinks. And start looking at each other with dreamy eyes.

He walked away and there were two more goblets on his tray he poured part of his last bottle and the twins took it from him toasting each other. Haldir took the goblet form Elladan and he and Elrohir drank. Elrohir and Haldir exchanged a glance and couldn’t run to more private rooms fast enough. Elladan watched his brother go confused. He looked around the table and noticed the strange couples and stands, he backed out of the hall very slowly fear in his eyes.

Merry looked at his empty bottles and walked over to Pippin. “Do you have anything left?”

“Just this,” he said as Merry poured it out in two goblets as Aragorn and Legolas enter the hall from opposite sides, Aragorn who was talking to Sam, Legolas alone.

“Now or never!” Pippin said as he ran over to Legolas as Merry went to Aragorn.

“You know you could just talk to him. Not even about that, the weather, flowers, something,” Sam said as Merry approached.

“Aragorn, here. Some courage before you go talk to Legolas.” Aragorn took the cup and drank it just so he didn’t have to argue with the hobbit. He looked up at Legolas who was also drinking. They locked eyes as they both felt an intense burning in their limbs and fainted.

“Uh oh.”

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